Confessions
by eorocks
Summary: Elliot overhears a conversation that he shouldn't have.


AN: Hey there. I don't know what this is. I feel a little out of sorts because I don't have a story going. This was rattling around in my brain, but it's not the start of a new story. It just is what it is. And there's no M rating (sorry). Hopefully I'll get inspired and start a new story soon.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia saw Casey walk into the squad room with her briefcase in one hand and a plastic bag in the other. She could smell the Chinese food as Casey set the bag on her desk and she smiled up at the ADA in appreciation.

"Thank God. I'm starving." She said as she stood up. "Thanks for picking this up." Olivia opened the bag and breathed in deeply. "And for coming all the way over here." She knew Casey wasn't crazy about doing court prep here, but it had been the only time and place they'd been able to agree on based on their schedules.

"You're just lucky I had to be on this side of town." Casey said. She looked at her watch. "We have one hour." Casey looked around. "Is the Captain in?"

Elliot walked into the room just as Casey asked, and he shook his head. "No. He's at a ComStat meeting. He'll be back in a half an hour or so."

"OK, well I guess we can't use his office." Casey said, looking back at Olivia. "Where are we gonna do this?"

"Interrogation 1." Olivia said, motioning towards the room adjoining Cragen's office. "It's the only thing open." She grabbed the bag of food as Casey started walking towards the room. As she walked by Elliot's desk, he leaned towards her and took a whiff of the food.

"You get enough for me?" He asked, raising his eyebrows as he looked up at Olivia.

Olivia shook her head. "Sorry." She saw his weak attempt at looking pitiful, and let out a small chuckle. "If there's anything leftover, I'll let you know."

"I'll remember that Benson." He said as she walked towards the interrogation room. "No more coffee deliveries for you in the morning."

He smiled when she didn't even bother to look back. She knew it was as much of an empty threat as he did.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot had gotten three calls from Kathy, and he had sent her to voicemail each time. He didn't want to argue with her in the squad room, especially with Fin and Munch at their desks. The fourth time her name came up on caller ID, he looked over at Cragen's office. He wasn't back yet, and he took the chance that he would be running a little late. He dodged into Cragen's office and closed the door behind him, swiping his thumb to answer the call as he settled in Cragen's chair.

"What is it that's so damned important?" he answered, knowing his tone and his words were likely to start an argument, but not caring. He was sure she was already armed for battle. It seemed they couldn't agree on anything over the past couple of months. He realized that he was listening to dead air. He had missed the call.

Elliot let out a heavy sigh and held onto his phone, contemplating if he should call her back, when he realized he heard voices. He turned and looked at the window between Cragen's office and the interrogation room, and realized the speaker was on. He stood up and walked over to the window and saw Olivia and Casey eating, their files spread out in front of them. He reached for the knob that controlled the volume, intending to turn it down so he could call Kathy back. But then he heard Casey's question to Olivia, and he paused.

" _So, how was your date last night?"_

Elliot raised an eyebrow, interested in her answer. He hadn't even known she had a date. She kept that information from him more often than not these days.

 _Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "It was OK."_

" _Did he stay over?" Casey asked, taking another bite of food._

" _God no. I couldn't get him out of my apartment fast enough."_

Elliot furrowed his brows, wondering if this was someone she had been dating for a while. If so, she had done a good job of hiding it.

" _So, he's not going to get a second date?"_

" _Nah." Olivia said, letting out a sigh._

Elliot's frown deepened. He didn't like the fact that Olivia brought a strange man back to her apartment…into her bed. The thought hit him squarely in the gut.

" _Seems like no one is making it to a second date lately." Casey said. "Why even bother dating?"_

" _Because every once in a while, I like to have sex with something that doesn't require batteries." Olivia said tersely._

 _Casey laughed lightly. "I know what you mean." She let out a sigh. "Dating sucks."_

" _Every time, I tell myself, not again. Going out to dinner, trying to make small talk while I avoid talking about work or family…sometimes I think it's not worth it." Olivia shook her head as the sound of her voice trailed off. She let out a wistful sigh. "But it's nice to be touched…to be kissed…"_

Elliot knew he should turn down the volume. He shouldn't be listening to this personal conversation. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. This was a side of Olivia he didn't know…she kept her personal life to herself these days. He wondered when that had changed…even though they never discussed intimate details, they used to confide in each other.

 _Casey leaned in. "Well, the next time you feel the need…maybe you should just suck it up and ask Elliot."_

Elliot nearly choked when he heard what Casey said.

 _Olivia narrowed her eyes and swatted Casey on the arm. "Casey!"_

 _Casey shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just sayin…the way that man looks at you. I'm sure you wouldn't have to ask him twice."_

" _You're crazy." Olivia said._

" _I'm not crazy. And you know it." Casey said._

" _It's not like that. We're partners."_

 _Casey seemed to ignore her and kept talking. "And the body on that man. That swagger. You know he has to have something to back that up."_

" _Casey!" Olivia admonished._

Elliot knew he should feel guilty about eavesdropping, but he was too focused on Olivia and the slight flush in her cheeks.

" _C'mon. You can't sit there and tell me that you've never thought about it." Casey continued with a challenge in her voice. When Olivia didn't answer, Casey took that as a confession. "I knew it!" She leaned closer to Olivia. "You have thought about it."_

" _OK. Fine." Olivia admitted. "Maybe once."_

" _Really? Once?"_

Elliot couldn't see Casey's face right now, but in that tone he knew so well, he imagined she was rolling her eyes, and he leaned in a little closer to the window, all thoughts of turning off the volume gone.

" _OK. Maybe more than once. But seriously, that isn't my fault. Any grown woman would have thoughts like that. The muscles on that man are ridiculous. His chest…and those arms…" Olivia looked away from Casey, her cheeks fully flushed now._

" _Not to mention that ass."_

 _Olivia shook her head rapidly, as if she was trying to shake unbidden images from her mind. "We shouldn't be talking like this." she said. "He's my partner."_

" _C'mon Liv." Casey set down her fork. "You and Elliot. All these years. You were never tempted? You guys never talked about it?"_

" _He was married." Olivia said._

" _And then he wasn't." Casey pointed out._

Elliot listened intently. He couldn't believe that Olivia had basically just admitted that she was attracted to him. He wondered what would have happened if he had told her the moment he realized he saw her as woman before he saw her as his partner.

" _It just…" Olivia pressed her lips together. "I don't know. It got to a point where I thought maybe…" She let out another sigh. "It just…I don't know."_

" _So…" Casey said. "If Elliot showed up at your door with a bottle of wine and a box of condoms…"_

 _Olivia gave the ADA a shocked look and sputtered her name again in admonishment._

" _Ok, you don't need the condoms."_

" _I can't believe we're having this conversation." Olivia said. She grabbed a folder off the table. "We need to focus on our prep."_

 _Casey grabbed the folder out of her hand. "You're ready for trial. You know this case inside and out." She dropped the folder back on the table. "You didn't answer my question."_

Elliot turned the volume up slightly, more than interested in her answer.

" _I'm not answering your question." Olivia leaned in and looked Casey right in the eyes. "And I had better not hear you whisper one thing about this conversation outside this room." she poked a finger at Casey. "I can't even believe I said anything."_

" _I'm a prosecutor, and I'm damned good at my job. I know what I see." Casey said. "And this has been going on for a long time. You didn't need to say anything."_

" _Then why are you asking me these questions?"_

" _I was just asking you about your date because I knew it wouldn't go anywhere. You compare every man to Elliot." Casey shook her head again. I've never seen two people in such complete denial."_

" _I'm not listening to this." Olivia said, pushing her plate of food away from her and dragging one of the files back in front of her._

" _Why do you think Elliot hasn't dated anyone since his divorce?" Casey asked and Olivia looked up at her. "Did he even date anyone the entire time he was separated?"_

" _Are you saying I'm responsible for the breakup of his marriage?" Olivia asked._

" _Of course not!" Casey said. "I'm just saying that now that his divorce is final, the man only has one woman on his mind."_

Elliot's breath caught in his throat when he realized Casey was right. He didn't have any interest in dating, because the woman he wanted stood by his side each and every day. He wanted to hear what Olivia's answer was going to be…if she would actually admit anything.

" _If he was interested in me…that way…then something would have happened by now." Olivia said quietly. "Now can we please get back to the case?"_

Her comment hit him hard. Had she really been waiting for him to make a move? To change the nature of their relationship? Or was she simply trying to get Casey off topic? He was waiting for Casey's reply, when his phone rang again. The sound startled him, and he worried for a half a second that Casey and Olivia would hear it and he would be busted, before he remembered the room was sound-proof. He was torn between answering the call and listening to the rest of the conversation, but they were quiet now, and he watched as Casey pulled out a legal pad and a pen.

"Stabler." He answered as he turned the volume knob down and turned away from the window.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia finished up with Casey and walked back into the squad room, the topic of Elliot still fresh in her mind. She saw Elliot at his desk, and when she sat down across from him, she saw him glance up at her and give her a small smile. Olivia looked away quickly…she couldn't look at him right now.

Goddamn Casey.

"Nothing left for me?" he asked.

It took Olivia a second to figure out what he was talking about, and then she remembered she had promised him any leftover Chinese food. "I'm not sure what's left. But you can check. Casey's still in Interrogation 1." The moment the words were out, she bit down on her lip. She wondered if Casey could keep her mouth shut. If Elliot went into the room with her, would she ask him the same questions she had asked Olivia? She pushed herself up quickly. "I…forgot something. A file. I'll see if there's anything left."

Elliot watched her move past him, and he turned in his chair and watched her. God, they were talking about his ass, but Olivia's…

Elliot heard a snort and he turned to see Fin shaking his head. He scowled at him and turned back to his desk. He thought about Olivia's quick move back to the interrogation room, and her thinly veiled excuse, and he knew she was afraid Casey would say something. Olivia returned a few minutes later, and dropped two cartons of leftovers on his desk.

"Thanks." He said, trying to capture her eyes. But she avoided looking at him, busying herself with her email. "Liv…"

Olivia heard him say her name, but she didn't want to look at him. She couldn't get Casey's questions out of her mind. _Have you ever thought about it?_ Of course she had thought about it. More than once. More than twice. In fact, thoughts of Elliot kept her awake more times than she'd ever admit, and if she did manage to fall asleep, he visited her there too. That was on top of the thoughts that ran through her mind periodically as she stared across her desk at him or sat near him in the car during a stakeout.

It wasn't all the time…but it had been increasingly difficult to deny how she felt. She thought she had done a good job of masking her feelings, but Casey had called her on it. So now she wondered if Elliot had any idea.

She also wondered if what Casey said was true. Was he having the same thoughts about her? Of course, she'd seen the lingering looks from time to time. They were close…unbelievably so. But that didn't mean anything. He'd been separated, and then divorced.

"I'm heading out a little early." Elliot said, pulling her out of her reverie. "You got big plans tonight?" he asked, staring down at her.

Elliot saw the confused look on her face, and he wondered what she was thinking about. She had a slight flush in her cheeks, and he thought about how her cheeks had colored when Casey was questioning her. It made her look oddly vulnerable, and he was once again struck by her beauty. He didn't see Badass Benson. Instead, he saw a stunning woman…dark eyes and hair, strong jaw, full lips. He was overcome with just how much he wanted her…the strength of his feelings for her.

"No. No plans. Just…" her voice trailed off, and Elliot wondered what she had been going to say before she censored herself. "Nothing."

Elliot grabbed his phone off the desk. "Have a good night Liv."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia stripped off her clothes and walked into the bathroom. She wanted a long, hot shower, to get rid of the tension from the day. She tried to push all thoughts of Elliot out of her mind. If she didn't, she would be up again all night, and she needed the sleep, especially after her date the night before. She stood under the hot spray, letting it pour down her body. When the water started to cool, she soaped up quickly and washed her hair, and she was almost shivering by the time she was done.

She got dressed quickly, pulling on a pair of black leggings, a tank top and a gray hoodie. She walked bare-footed to the kitchen, and peered inside the refrigerator. As usual, there wasn't much to eat, and she slammed the refrigerator door closed in frustration. She should have stopped at the market for something she could make quickly…and for a bottle of wine.

Olivia dug the take-out menus from the drawer and started paging through them, trying to decide what to order, when she heard a knock at the door. Her hand went to her hip out of habit, and she realized her gun was in her bedroom. Not that a knock on the door warranted that kind of reaction, but there was no reason for anyone to be at her door at this time of night.

Olivia tread quietly over to the door and peeked through the peephole, and was surprised to see Elliot standing there. She immediately wondered if something was wrong…if she had missed a call…because they didn't do this. Despite the fact that they lived only six blocks apart, there were no evening get-togethers. No quick dinners, movie nights or plans to watch a game together. Either they were at work…grabbing a drink with the squad…or they went their separate ways.

She looked back out at him and tried to see if he looked upset or was fidgeting impatiently, but he seemed fine. She saw him shift slightly and then she heard another knock and she jumped when he yelled her name, surprised, even though she was standing right there.

Olivia took a step back and opened the door quickly, and she saw Elliot standing there with one hand braced against the doorframe and a bottle of wine in the other. Her jaw dropped open as he flashed an uncertain grin, that faded almost as soon as it registered.

Olivia was speechless…the conversation with Casey replaying in her head as she moved her eyes between Elliot's face and the win. This couldn't be a coincidence. "How? What…."

"I owe you an apology Liv." Elliot interrupted her as he stood rooted in place outside her door. He could see different emotions running over her features. Confusion was followed by anger…which was followed quickly by curiosity. That gave him renewed confidence, despite the arguments he'd had with himself on the way over. He had almost turned around a couple of times, but now the look on her face spurred him on. "I'm sorry, but I overheard your conversation with Casey."

Olivia's cheeks flushed again, and he could see the indignation on her face as she got ready to lay into him. But before she could say anything else, he took a step into the apartment. "I know I shouldn't have…I mean, I should have left when I heard you were having a personal conversation, but…" He took a deep breath. This was it…she was either going to slap him and kick him out of her apartment…or she was going to…well…he didn't know what she was going to do. He could only hope for a scenario where she melted in his arms…where she let him kiss her. He forged on. "I'm glad I did."

"Elliot, that was a private conversation." Olivia finally managed to choke out. "You shouldn't have…"

Elliot took another step towards her and Olivia took a step back, keeping the space between them. "I know, and that's why I'm apologizing. But if I hadn't, I might not have known…" His voice trailed off. The look on her face made it clear that she was horrified at the thought of what he may have heard, and suddenly he felt as if maybe showing up here was a mistake.

"What Casey said…" Olivia shook her head. She could feel the flush on her cheeks. She was so embarrassed. "That was Casey being…Casey. She shouldn't have said those things. I didn't…I wasn't…." She pressed her lips together. "She was just trying to…"

"That's why I'm here." He said.

Her skin flushed. _Maybe the next time you feel the need, should suck it up and call Elliot_. God, is that why he was here? Did he think she needed him to show up and…and… "I don't need you to show up here for some kind of…" She was so embarrassed, she couldn't even finish her sentence.

Elliot saw the look on her face and he knew exactly what she was thinking. He let out a strangled laugh as he set the wine down on the side table. He kicked the door closed behind him. "You think I'm here for some kind of meaningless booty call?" he asked, furrowing his brows. He took a step closer to her. "You think I'd do that to you?"'

Olivia pressed her back against the wall. She didn't know how to react to the intensity in his eyes. He was staring at her, never breaking eye contact, and she didn't know what to say. Casey's words ran through her head again and she glanced over at the bottle of wine and then back at him again. "What Casey said…about showing up with wine…" She put her hands on her hips, deciding she didn't want to finish that thought. "Then why are you here?"

Now Elliot was at a loss for words. He was no good at this…he never had been. But this was important. He needed to get this right. "I'm here…" He scrubbed one of his hands across his mouth, trying to find the words.

Olivia shifted. She could see he was struggling. Communication had never been there strong suit, especially communication with each other. She was pretty sure she didn't want to hear what he had to say. She was already embarrassed that he had overheard the conversation and that he had shown up here with that bottle of wine in his hand. She didn't know what he had been thinking. She stepped towards him and pushed against his shoulder. "I think you should just go."

Elliot took a step back as she pushed against him, but he regained his footing and reclaimed his space. "I'm trying to tell you something." He said.

Olivia shook her head. "I think it's better if you just leave."

"Olivia." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Will you just wait? Give me a minute." He was frustrated that the words weren't coming.

"I don't want to hear it." Olivia said, turning back towards her bedroom. If he wouldn't leave, she was going to.

"Goddamnit Olivia." Elliot said. He grabbed her arm and spun her around, and he saw the look of disbelief on her face. He dropped his hand, but she didn't move, and he knew it was now or never. "The wine was a stupid idea…but I came over here because…" He swallowed hard. "When I heard your conversation with Casey, it made me realize that maybe it was time to tell you that…" He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Olivia was still listening, and even though she looked a little scared, he forged ahead. His voice was soft, almost a whisper. "I don't know when things changed, but one day you were my partner and my friend…and then the next day, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted to kiss you." He saw a small look of surprise on her face at his confession. "And not because you're beautiful. I mean…you are." He let out a small groan at how this was coming out. "I wanted to kiss you because somewhere along the line…sometime during all the late nights and the take-out and the stakeouts and horrifying cases…I fell for you."

He watched the expression on Olivia's face. It bothered him that he couldn't read her right now. She looked surprised but cautious. Almost like she didn't believe him. Her lack of response bothered her, so he kept talking. "I shouldn't have listened in on your conversation with Casey, but I'm glad I did because now I know…or at least I think…that maybe you…" He cut himself off then, because she was looking at him strangely then. He started to panic, thinking maybe he had misread the situation. "I mean…"

"Stop." Olivia said quietly. "Just…stop." Her mind was reeling at Elliot's confession. She needed a second to process everything he had just said. She broke eye contact, looking at anything except him as her mind replayed what he said. Had Elliot really just told her that he felt something for her? Something more than just friendship? A million questions flooded her mind then, and her eyes drifted back to his. "If you felt like that…" she blinked a few times. "You never said anything. You never gave any indication…"

Elliot took a step forward. "I know. I didn't know if you felt the same way. I was worried that I'd ruin everything, and I didn't want to risk everything unless I knew you felt the same way." Olivia didn't say anything, and he felt a moment of panic…maybe he had misread the situation…maybe he had ruined everything anyway. "Liv…say something."

Olivia took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You want to kiss me?" she asked softly.

Elliot nodded, watching as her eyes dipped down to his mouth and then back up again. "More than anything." He waited for her to say something else, and it seemed like her silence lasted an eternity.

"I'm not stopping you." She said breathlessly.

Elliot closed the last remaining space between them and he heard her breath hitch as he neared. He tentatively reached out, and brushed her hair back from her face, careful not to touch her in any other way. He stared down into her eyes as he ran his thumb down her right cheek until he reached her jawline, and then he cupped her cheek with his hand. He leaned in and ghosted his lips over hers, reveling in this moment. He had thought about this for so long, and there would never be another first kiss.

Olivia felt Elliot's lips brush over hers lightly and it sent a chill through her body. Then his lips pressed against hers, gently but firmly. He let them rest there for a second before he pulled back slightly. Then he tilted his head very slightly and captured her lips again. It was a strange juxtaposition…the slight scratch of his five o'clock shadow, his slightly rough lips, and the gentleness of the kiss. Then he increased the pressure of his mouth against hers, and sucked her bottom lip between his. He released it and then explored her mouth, placing a gentle kiss on one corner before he caught her upper lip…and then covering her mouth with his as he slid his hand into her hair, anchoring her to him.

Olivia had kept her hands to herself but as he continued the kiss, she placed her left hand flat on his chest, and snaked her right hand behind his neck. She was kissing him back then, and she turned her head and opened her mouth to him. Her breath caught as he slid his tongue between her lips, and she kissed him hungrily. She felt a flush in her body, his kisses igniting a fire in her.

Elliot felt the silky strands of her hair in his fingers and he moved his other hand down the column of her neck, running his thumb across the dip of her collarbone. Her lips were soft and the taste of her…he couldn't get enough. His head was spinning. He had thought about this moment for so long, and he wondered if he hadn't started falling in love with her from the first day he met her. He felt Olivia's hands slip from around his neck, and he didn't want this kiss to end…if he could stay here forever…even if he never got to do anything more than kiss her…he would be happy. Then he felt the pressure of her hands on his chest and he broke the kiss, looking down at her as she took in some air. Her skin was flushed and her eyes were soft and he knew she wasn't pushing him away. She wasn't denying this.

"Elliot." She said softly. "What…what is this?"

Elliot cupped her cheek with his hand, and brushed his thumb across her lips. "The beginning."

 _Finis_


End file.
